First Time Since 2019
I moved to London in January 2020.
Before I left the US, I saw Ezra Furman do an acoustic show at the Largo in Los Angeles in December of 2019. I’m a live gig person. I get a thrill out of seeing a big arena concert and I get an even bigger thrill in a small room with dirty sound. The Largo is wonderful and I love Ezra. I loved the show.
Leading up to and after my London move, I bought tickets to big shows and small shows. I was ready to see Jamie Cullum in London (a dream), Scary Pool Party at Scala (where I saw Jake Shears and danced the night away), Passenger, Genesis, Ricky Gervais (not a band, a man) and The Magic Numbers (ticking them off a list of bands I HAD to see if I still had my list from 2005).
We all know what happened. And no, I don’t think missing concerts was the biggest tragedy of the pandemic though for the artists who lost their livelihoods and had to stop doing what they love doing or do it online or find another way to make ends meet, it was certainly much more difficult than it was for fans like me who waited to see if shows would be cancelled or delayed.
In 2020, as shows were rescheduled, I suddenly had plans in late 2021 and even in 2022. With that, I had hope. One reason I like to have concerts and trips scheduled is that I have something to look forward to. As I anticipate a gig, I know I’ll feel something that I don’t feel anywhere else. I’ll feel the bass in my chest. I’ll feel my feet tap and shift. I’ll move because I am moved. I’ll sing badly and hope that the band is so loud the person in front of me can’t hear. I’ll clap until my hands hurt. I’ll cheer until my voice cracks. I’ll stand when people want me to sit and then sit because I know it is the right thing to do. I am not a musician but I love music. I am not a singer but I love to sing along.
Since my move, I have seen live music here and there; the occasional buskers near the Camden Town tube station and Spiritual Bar (which I adore and is a must-go if you’re near Camden) are two examples. But, I have not had to load up a ticket in the TicketMaster app or show the COVID pass I’m proud to have until last night.
On September 8, I went to Brixton to see Passenger. I had mixed feelings. Would I wear a mask? Would I feel safe? Was it worth the risk? I didn’t know but I had a ticket and I wanted to go. When I got the ticket, I didn’t have people to go with. I was happy to go alone. But since that time, I met a nice community of comics and performers online and they happened to be going. I met a guy who is in a band (Hello Amnesia) and he went with me (replacing the date I had purchased a ticket for and decided not to bring). I had people and I was happy to share the experience with those people. I was happy to look over and see someone I knew for a year and had just met for the first time in person smiling or bobbing their head. I was happy to see people I didn’t know raise a fist or a hand worship-style and sing at the top of their lungs. Oh, and I was happy to see the opener. Why didn’t I know about Gabrielle Aplin already? Oddly, she was in a Spotify playlist I had on today so maybe I randomly heard her before and didn’t realize it…
I had seen Passenger before in New York City at a much smaller venue and was blown away. This was different. I was so grateful to be in the room. I couldn’t stop the tears during the encore. No, I wasn’t sobbing to “Let Her Go” but I have done so before when listening at home. I cried when he sang “London in the Spring”.
Coming out of the lockdown part of the pandemic (make no mistake, we are not out of the pandemic) has been difficult for me. I built a life during the lockdowns and times of distancing that involved daily meditation, daily bike rides, work, zoom gigs and starting a podcast. I also started school. Nearly every interaction I had, save for the occasional chat with my friend at Whole Foods, took place inside my studio flat. The song reminded me of this.
Now, I’m taking the Tube with apprehension, meeting people in person and always wondering if I’m doing the right thing and if they are too. I’m testing myself at home 2-3x a week or more when I’m feeling…well, when I’m feeling more!
I am going to see Ricky Gervais next week and then Genesis the week after. They will all be different experiences. Passenger was my first gig in almost two years and I’m glad it was him. I watched his live streams during the pandemic and listened to his new music. He gave to us when so much had been taken from us. I hope that last night we were able to give to him too.
